NIKE knows what they're talking about

This blog post is hereby dedicated to those people who make me think. Those people who encourage me.  Those people who are my friends, in real life, or on the internet.  It's especially for two people who have made me think today, TJ and Kelly. Thank you, friends.

Nike does know what they're talking about as far as their slogan, "Just Do It" goes.  As far as their shoes are concerned...not so much.  I do like their Nike+ ipod. That thing is awesome! Just not their shoes. Anyway...back to the point.

This morning, this week really, has been extremely difficult for me.  I was in a pit all week.  It was hard to be motivated to do anything at all.  Not even the things I typically enjoy doing.  Sounds like depression...yeah, well it was.  It is.  I'm still fighting today.  Although today was a little different.  Kelly chatted with me on fb and let me cry on her shoulder (I was afraid I might short out my keyboard with my snot and tears) and encouraged me.  She is a dear!  Most days I haven't even had it in me to "Just Do It".  It just wasn't there.  Today I had just enough to "just" do something.  I managed to hold it together to help Alisha and Rebekah sort through and clean out their clothes and their closet.  I should have a taken a before pic so you could fully appreciate the cost involved in that statement.  It was not pretty.  One bag of garbage and two bags to Goodwill later, things are much better in their room.  Once I started, I got into it, and even vacuumed the floor.  Hard wood = never ending dust bunnies.  I was so glad it was done.  I even felt ok while I was doing it.  No one cried (including myself.)  Bonus! 

I'm so tired of being the person who always sees the negative. I'm tired of fighting to see the glass half full. I'm just tired of fighting.  Some days I just want to give up.  To quit.  To be done.  But, the Holy Spirit in me keeps fighting for me. He points out the positive.  He keeps me going.  Won't let me quit.  And HE will decide when I'm done, not I.  It's a quandary to be sure.  I wonder why God made me with such a negative bent to my nature.  I wonder why I have to spend a lifetime fighting depression.  I wonder why...why...why. Then comes the insecurity.  Did they not answer my text because they're just sick of me? Am I letting my negativity show through today?  Will they still want to be my friend if they know the "real" me? 

So...when you see my tweets or FB updates, and it seems like something is wrong.  It is.  I'm trying.  Not to keep who the real me is covered up and hidden.  Because I can't do that.  I tried once, and it almost killed me.  No, I'm trying to work out my own salvation.  "Just Doing It" is going to look different in your life than it is in mine.  We are different.  And that's ok.  I just hope you guys can stick with me while this area of my life is worked out.  And know this...if nothing else, I usually cycle back out of this pit in a week or so.  Things are definitely better if you just do something.  Anything.  So, I'm going to start dinner because that is something. 

Comments

[TJ]

Ya know something? I think that God brings us all into places of insecurity to teach us something additional. (Man, that sounded like a typical "church answer" .... I really hate those by the way.) Let me try again ... The Lord has the plans of our lives worked out and only He knows ........... dang it, I did it again. <that was supposed to make ya chuckle>

Look, I think it is safe to say that we are all going through junk and sometimes the world just needs to take a step off of our neck. Believe me. One day I am going to get the courage to write out my testimony, but let me say that you are NOT the only one who deals in the negative. Brody mentioned it today (this is a total God thing here), and I too am one to constantly call people out -- mostly because I am sick of the nonsense, man-made crap that we use to justify one another's actions with. God's Son died for us and yet we sit in the pew judging what one another is wearing. (Yeah, the daggers are REALLY obvious when you are standing in the pulpit looking out ....) Honestly Lisa, I think we all go through the dark times and even the good times we are waiting for the next valley to show itself.

Just know that you are not alone, ever! And I ain't talking about just Jesus being by your side either (although that's the friend that really counts IMO) -- you got a lot of us on here that are here at any time to encourage. One thing I use to smile with is: Always remember that a friend will pick you up when you get knocked down .... but a true friend will help you plot revenge to take out the person who pushed you over (ha ha). We all need those friends who will never judge, who have actually heard the bad words out of your mouth, and still they stand by you no matter what.

Plus, if they never answer your texts, feel free to text me (334-717-1048) -- I always respond to my friends because I understand what it means to sit in the valley and feel totally alone. To sit there and feel critical of everyone and everything around me. To sit there and try to fake it because I have to wear the "Rev" title. Sometimes I just want to be ME, and if that shocks people then so be it. Ya know?

OK, I'll shut up now. Bless you and your family my friend. The Lord loves ya, and so do we. :-)

[Adventures In Babywearing]

I know just what you mean and I've found that once I finally admit that I'm having a hard time and stop hiding it or faking the smiles all the time, it gets EASIER to just go on and get my life rolling again. If that makes any sense! :)

Steph

[chrissy]

Let me just say, I like the "real Lisa" far more than I ever loved the one that fought to pretend! I have always loved Lisa, because of her and her love for Christ! I like my "real friend Lisa" hardships, tragedies, negativety, excitable, stressed, crazy, depressed, crying, loving, kind, great heart, honest and truthful, sitting on the couch, enjoys a great book, mom, wife, friend, fighting stupid depression through all of it, friend Lisa! I cannot tell you why you were created the way you were, only that there were and are many times, you gave me validation for my feelings when no one else would give them to me! I hope I pray, that me being the real me, has done the same for you! Honestly, there is an amazing strength God gives, when we stand up and be who we are and show that we are trying to become more, in HIM! Great news, the Holy Spirit is a kind gentleman and he leads us softly and gently! I love you Lisa!!! I pray you make it through this part in front of you and that the next part is a little easier!

[Aunt Anne]

Lisa, please don't ever stop your blog. I enjoy it so much and it makes me feel closer to you and your family as I don't get to see you much. I'm not very good at putting things into words. You are an awesome person, happy or sad, and I love you dearly. We all have our bad times - some more than others. I'm going through one myself right now I guess mainly because I am in so much pain. But, I hope and pray this will not last too much longer. Never give up on yourself. You are loved very much.